Epic Tale
by Katia-Sue
Summary: Alfred decides to write a fanfiction. Rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Own nothing. I make no money from this...etc

Note that I do not have a spellcheck. What joy.

Post cold war:

It was another perfect sunny day in Los Angeles as I made my way down the streets, aware of the big smile on my face. And why shouldn't I be happy? The country was in good shape - well, as good as it could be after a war - but hey! We won. We'd beaten those nasty communist asses good. The Solviet Union was no more and the hero had saved the world again!

As I passed a rather sleazy-looking bar I caught a few communists from out the corner of my eye, staring at me. When I focused my gaze on them I saw nothing but pure disgust on their features. I flipped them off, good old _American style._

And then I suddenly stopped in my tracks, noticing the figure who stood across the road. His shades and posture reflected mine; for a moment I even wondered if I was staring into a mirror. But then he lifted up his shades and I recognised him at once. Those eyebrows were unmistakable.

The smug grin that cracked across my face couldn't be prevented. What was old man Iggy doing here in LA? Wasn't it too exciting for him?

I was about to shout out a greeting, but he beat me to it.

"Hello Alfred."

"Hey back." I said, hands shoved in my pockets. There was something about those green eyes that sent my heart beating almost twice as fast as its normal rate. I would never tell him this of course. _I'm_ supposed to be the one charming and dazzling people!

The streets were unusually quiet so I was able to hear clearly when he next called out to me.

"What's up?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing." Damn, was this conversation actually going to _go anywhere?_

Well maybe it was, but I guess I will never know as the next moment my cell phone rang. The USA national anthmn baby! I held up a finger to Arthur, signalling that I'd only be a moment.

Only I wasn't. My boss was organizing a celebration on account of us winning the war and, as usual, he decided to drone on. I saw Arthur check his watch several times. Eventually he signalled that he had to go and, trying to hide my irritation, I waved goodbye. (At least I got a chance to watch Arthur's ass.)

I thought he would visit my house later that day, but was disappointed when no such visit happened. Oh well. He was probably busy drinking tea or doing whatever English people do. I watched movies that night. Action ones with a lot of guns and violence. Hell yeah! I also managed to eat my entire popcorn supply.

The next day I woke up in my bed (with my superman duvet) and don't remember how I got there. I looked at my alarm clock and groaned. Damnit. 11:30. My glasses known as Texas were somewhere on my bedside table so I groped around blindly for them. Instead I ended up clutching my hand around my cell phone. And I almost jumped out of my skin when it started ringing.

"H-hello?" I said bravely as I put the phone to my ear.

"Not that I was spying on you yesterday or anything..."

_Wait. Who the hell was that?_

"Wait. Who the hell is this?" I demanded.

A soft sigh. "Your brother, Canada."

"Oh." my mind raced. "Right. Hi Mattie. How ya doin'?"

"Fine. I was in LA yesterday."

"Wha-? Jesus! It seems everyone was."

"I called out to you, but you didn't hear me. Besides, you seemed pretty content staring at Arthur." There was a quiet chuckle.

"Wait. What?" I felt my face redden. "That is SO not true! He had to wait for me to finish talking to my boss, but my boss is a lameass and wouldn't shut up so he had to go."

The explanation went ignored. "So, you _like_ him then?"

If possible I reddened even more. "Like hell I don't!"

"Yeah right!"

"Listen here-" I started to say, but my words were suddenly cut-off by the doorbell ringing. Damn it all! It was probably Arthur and I wasn't even dressed. "Okay Matt, I've got to go now. Someone's at the door."

"Let me guess, you're still in your PJs?"

"Screw you." I hung up.

My jeans from yesterday had been flung across the floor so I quickly struggled into them, then pulled on my American flag-style top. Last, but not least, Texas was placed back onto my nose.

The doorbell rang again.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm coming!"

Jesus, some people had no patience.

I ran downstairs and opened the door to see the Englishman standing there, looking as prim and proper as ever. For a moment his huge eyebrows raised, most likely at my disheveled state (get it? Because I'm American! Haha!), but then he gave a beautiful smile.

"Alfred, sorry I couldn't catch up with you yesterday."

"Heh heh. That's okay." I lauged nervously. Woah. Wait. Why was I laughing _nervously?_ "Why don't you come inside?"

"Be glad to."

I stepped aside and cursed myself for not setting my alarm earlier.

"So anyway, what brings you to LA?"

The Englishman shrugged. "Things have been very quiet at my place and I suppose, since as the war is finally over, I wanted to see how this country was getting along."

I followed him into the kitchen. "Yep s'all good here. - Would you like some tea?"_ How the hell do you make tea?_

Arthur shifted his tie as he sat down. "That would be delightful."

Great. I didn't even have tea. Maybe if I gave him hot chocolate he wouldn't notice the difference...? I began searching in my cupboards.

"Actually Alfred..." I heard him clear his throat. "I came here to tell you something."

"Yeah?" (Still rummaging.)

"Have you heard of the British band, Human League?"

I stopped, looking over my shoulder.

"Yeah, I have actually. They may not be American, but their songs are pretty cool."

"Good." he nodded, looking pleased. "And did you know they're having a comcert in London?"

"Nope." Where was this going? And why did Arthur suddenly look very anxious?

He wiped sweat off his brow. "Alfred, um..." after clearing his throat again: "do you want to go with me?"

I gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Katia's note: Okay readers, I should just point out that the first five or so chapters have already been written and just need editing. Updates shall be regular at first, but then may slow down quite a bit. Especially since as I have a stupid art project to complete. *insert angry emote***

**Oh and if anyone is expecting a serious USxUK romance fic then I'm afraid you'll be bitterly disappointed. This is pure (unoriginal) crack; it gets worse and worse as it goes along. Kudos to anyone who got the joke already. Most likely I'll be shot for making the 10000000th parody of it.**

**...Meh.**

**A big thankyou to my reviewers! **

**Alfred's note: COMMUNISTZ STOP FLAMING MY STORY OK! odderwize thanx 2 da capitalist ppl 4 da good reviews. Oh yeah by the way I don't own this or the lyrics for Human League.**

On the night of the concert I put on a grey hoodie with a picture of the American flag on it (since as London was too cold for just a T-shirt), jeans and red, white and blue sneakers. I took a quick swig from my bottle of coca cola. (The hotel had offered me tea. My answer had been "HELL NAWW".) Thankfully hamburgers are also quite popular in England, so I called room service to bring me up one, practically ate the whole thing in one bite, then read some marvel comic books while I waited for my food to go down. I drank the rest of my coca cola, looked at my watch and realised it was time to leave.

Always the gentleman, Arthur was waiting outside by his silver ford. I didn't doubt that he would hold the door open for me as well. Not that I needed it of course.

"Hi Arthur!" I shouted loudly, causing several heads to turn.

"Hi Alfred," he replied then, as predicted, held the door open. A grin spread across my face (but a cute/charming one. Not a creepy one like that commie bastard Russia's.)

There was a lot of traffic, so it took us a while to get to Wembley Stadium. We managed to pass the time by listening to Iggy's Beatles CD. Being a nation an' all, he was able to get us VIP passes. I laughed at the suckers queuing up as we ran straight through the doorway. A crowd had already started to form, but we managed to push past them to get to our front seats. It wasn't long before there was noise everywhere; people were shouting loudly and cheering even though the band weren't even on yet. Wow. And I thought my people were rowdy.

Inevitably, the noise escalated as the band walked on stage. Damn, they'd probably burnt a nice new hole in the ozone layer with all that hairspray. They started off by singing my favourite song of theirs:

_"Keep feeling fascination,_

_Passion burning, love so strong,_

_Keep feeling fascination,_

_Looking, learning, moving on."_ (I don't own the lyrics to that song.)

"Ian is so hot." I shouted to Arthur, pointing to the guitarist as he played, filling the stadium with the amazing sound.

That was when I noticed a sadness on Arthur's features. It was impossible to miss.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I yelled. And then I suddenly caught on. Wow. Did Iggy really like me_ that _much? I smirked.

"It's okay Iggy. I don't like him better than YOU."

He looked at me with a sheepish smile. "Really?"

I was a little surprised when he suddenly wrapped his arm around my shoulder, but hey! I wasn't complaining.

"Really." I smiled back. "Besides, I don't even know Ian and last thing I heard he was dating some Russian bitch. I fucking hate that commie bitch." I said in disgust, thinking of her ugly communist face.

We had a really great time that night, dancing with the crowd and me singing along loudly to the music. Well, to the songs I knew at least. After the concert Arthur used his VIP pass to get us backstage. We got autographs as well as concert Ts.

Finally, at 2AM, we decided it was time to go back. Arthur led me to his car and I settled down into the seat, my eyelids starting to feel heavy as the Beatles lulled me to sleep with "Hey Jude." I saw Arthur tapping his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, obviously wanting to be out of the traffic.

When we were finally free I thought he would take be back to the hotel, but instead he took a completely different turning.

"Hey. What?" I jerked up in my seat.

He kept his eyes straight ahead. "Almost there now."

"Almost WHERE?" I started to panic, but he didn't reply. The breath caught in my throat, however, as my gaze drifted out the window. The view of London was beautiful, especially the way the city lights reflected in the river... Thames, was it? As I struggled to remember the name of the non-American river Arthur pulled the vehicle to a stop, unstrapped himself, then got out. Curiously, I followed him. It turned out we were standing on a bridge over the river whatsitsname and Arthur put both hands on the railing, gazing out at the lights of his city.

I approached him.

"What the hell buddy?" I demanded, not liking the chill in the air. The Human League SO should have played in the States. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around my torso.

"Alfred?" Arthur turned to face me.

"What?" my tone sounded more sharp than I'd meant it to.

Fortunately Arthur didn't seem to take any notice. Instead he inhaled slightly, as if to calm his nerves, before leaning in close. I looked into his green eyes and then, as if Arthur had used one of his weird spells, my anger and trepidation suddenly evaporated.

The next moment his lips were on mine.

I'm not sure how long we kissed for but... wow. Who would have thought old man Iggy could kiss so good? I knew I could have stayed like that for a lot longer, but unfortunately fate is cruel. It was a loud British voice that cut sharply across the mood, shattering it into pieces.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU WANKERS DOING?"

It was...Arthur!

****

**Feel free to flame me/Alfred!**

**Also the lyrics MAY be incorrect, but seriously flames would be lulz.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Katia: Like I said, updates shall be ****very**** frequent at first. :3**

**AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a commie or a socializt! Da only reson Arthur swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 making oout! Cheese-kun u r a commie! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!**

****

Arthur demanded that Arthur and I followed him. He got into Arthur's car and drove it while we sat silently in the back.

"You bloody fools!" he fumed.

I willed myself not to cry since as I'm the hero an' all, but my tears happened to be stubborn and they leaked down my cheeks anyway. Arthur put his arm around my shoulder to comfort me.

After a few minutes Arthur parked the car outside his house and we followed him inside, our faces masks of glumness. The old man took us to his dimly lit study where China and Japan stood, conversing in low voices. Only they fell silent as soon as we entered the room. Expressions, once serene, darkened in anger.

"These bloody wankers were making out in my capital city!" Arthur yelled, his face red with rage.

"Why did you do such a thing you mediocre dunces aru?" asked Yao coldly.

"How dare you?" said Kiku.

And then Arthur shocked everyone by shrieking. "BECAUSE I BLOODY LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was silent. Arthur and Yao still wore the look of a thundercloud, but Kiku gave a defeated sigh.

"Fine. Very well. You may go back to your homes."

As we left we could practically feel the glares from the other three countries burning into the back of our heads. We got back to Arthur's car and he opened the passenger door for me again.

"Are you okay Alfred?" he asked gently while driving back over the bridge.

"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled, my cheek resting against the cool glass of the window.

He drove me back to the five star hotel, then walked me up to my penthouse suite. It was nice to see this side of Iggy. Normally he's so uptight. At my room I fumbled with my keys and heard Arthur clear his throat behind me.

"Well, aside from the last incident, I had a good time Alfred."

I turned around, flashing him one of my dazzling smiles. "Yeah dude. Me too."

I noticed a faint blush tinting his cheeks. How cute.

"I hope you liked the music."

"Yeah." Oh damnit! Now I was blushing too! I could feel it. "It was definitely worth coming down here for."

"And what did you think of this song..."

My eyes widened as right before me Arthur actually got down on one knee. At first I was sure he'd pull out a ring or something, but instead he started singing. He actually started singing _right there _in the hallway at that godforsaken (for many people) time in the morning. Normally I would find this a squirt-milk-out-nose funny situation, but instead all I could do was gape. His voice, as he sang 'Don't you want me', was absolutely _captivating_. Maybe it was the whole British accent or the fact that he was singing only for me. I dunno, but it gave me shivers. As much as I'd enjoyed the performance by Human League, it had nothing on this.

The blush remained on his face and he gave a soft smile as he finished.

"Wow..." was the first word that managed to escape my mouth. "Dude. Where did you learn -?"

He silenced me by a gentle kiss on the lips. I was left breathless as he stepped back, still smiling. And then no words could be formed at all.

"I've been around for a long time Alfred."

I mentally cursed myself; by that point I knew I was as red as one of Spain's tomatoes. I should be _used_ to being fawned over like this!

Arthur bid me good night, but looked reluctant as he left. That was when I inwardly cursed Arthur instead of myself. Why did he have to be such a gentleman? Oh well. Maybe I would score on our second date.

****

**Personally, I don't like British accents. Yay me. I have one.**

**If u flame dis u will b a commie!1**


	4. Chapter 4

**Katia's note: No prizes for guessing who "Volxemort" is going to be!**

**Alfred's Note: shjt up kommiez ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!**

**-USA-**

The next morning I woke up in my Captain America bed with the American flag as my pillow case. I took off my American flag button-up pajamas, then put on my bomber jacket with baggy jeans. I couldn't get hold of Arthur on the phone so decided to wander around London by myself. Hopefully there would be a nearby McDonalds.

Unfortunately I wandered around for a few minutes and the closest thing I could find was an Italian resturant. It would have to do. Pizza was Italian, right...?

I went inside and there was a buffet with a sign announcing it was an "All you can eat" one. I licked my lips and didn't hesitate any longer to grab a plate. Luckily there _was_ pizza there. I took several slices and was walking to an empty table with them on my plate when someone suddenly bumped into me. My eyes widened in horror as a slice hit my jacket, leaving a nice print of tomato puree. As if things couldn't be bad enough, it then slid off, landing face-down on the floor.

"Communist!" I shouted, but regretted it at once when I looked up into the face of a beautiful Italian guy.

"I'm so sorry. Ve~" he apologized as a faint blush crept across his features.

"That's alright. What's your name?" I asked.

"My name's Feliciano, although most people call me Italy these days," he grumbled.

I bent down to retrieve my pizza slice. Fuck hygene. Like hell I was wasting it.

"Why?"

"Because I AM Itlay." he giggled.

"Well, I'm America," I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered, suddenly looking afraid.

"Yeah!" I roared proudly.

I invited him to my table and we sat down to talk for a while.

"So what brings you to London?" I asked, stuffing the slice into my mouth. It didn't taste _too_ odd. Not much anyway.

"I just heard there was a lack of Italian resturants in this area of London. The last one got closed down by health and safety for having rat droppings in the food. Ve..."

I couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Oh boy! That's nasty! That's real...ew. Ahew man. I thought Italians were supposed to be _good_ at cooking."

"Actually." he gave a shy smile. "The owners were English."

"Ah. Figures."

Speak of the devil. The resturant door opened and none other than Arthur stepped inside, looking like a total sex god in his military uniform.

"Ah, there you are Alfred," he said in his hot accent. "I've been searching all over London for you. I have a surprise for you."

"Yo thanks for the pizza," I said to Feliciano. I crammed another slice into my mouth, then got up. Arthur shook his head, tutting, but chose not to say anything.

"Goodbye. Ve ~" Italy said as I waved to him. I didn't miss the sadness in his eyes. Maybe he was jealous of me that I was going out with Arthur.

It was chilly when we got outside, but there was a little sunshine peeking out from behind the clouds. Arthur led me to his upmarket house in Knightsbridge. His hallway was dark and gloomy, but that was the least of my worries. After closing the door behind us he attacked my lips with his. I was taken aback at first, but was soon eagerly kissing back, and soon after tugging on his tie. It was difficult enough to loosen, let alone take off, so he did it for me, shirt following shortly afterwards.

_Oh yeeah. I was finally gettin' laid._

Eyes half-lidded, I pulled myself away from him for a moment to admire his toned torso... but it was something on his arm that caught my attention. A tattoo, a red heart. For a completely wonderful and incredibly stupid moment my own heart fluttered at the thought of him tattooing my name on his arm like that so early into the relationship.

Then I realised it wasn't _my_ name.

Instead, in a gothic script, was the single word: ITALY.

I stepped back, my jaw hanging open in disbelief. He might as well just have slapped me hard across the face. Soon enough, however, anger replaced shock.

"You communist!" I raged, backing away towards the door.

He looked confused for a moment, but then jumped suddenly, glancing down at his arm. He had obviously just remembered the tattoo was there. When he turned his gaze upwards to me I saw fear in his eyes.

"Alfred, please, you have to understand. I-"

"No you fucking commie!" I shouted, opening the door. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" And then I ran out.

I heard him call after me, but didn't stop running. At least not untill I reached the building where a new world meeting was taking place. (For some reason I hadn't been invited.) Everyone was listening to Japan talk about environmental issues, Italy included.

"FELICIANO VARGAS YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

****

**What the hell does "ve" mean? How is it even pronounced? -_-**

**I hope it doesn't mean yes. As a Russian studier I get annoyed to see "da" all over the place, not making sense. I really hope I'm not doing the same thing for Italian...hehe**

**Stay tuned for "Volxemort" next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alfred's note: Stop flassing ok! If u do den u r a commie!**

**-usa-**

There was a silence in the room as all eyes were focused upon me. Next thing I knew Arthur ran through the door, even though he was still shirtless. (To this a few countries looked baffled, but France wriggled his eyebrows, Prussia wolf-whistled and Hungary held a hand to her nose to try and prevent the sudden spurt of blood.)

"Alfred, it's not what you bloody think!" Arthur shouted, seeming oblivious to all his reactions.

I noticed that France was giving me an understanding look. He flipped his long golden way hair, model-style, and opened his sea-blue eyes.

"What is it that you desire you rediculous dimwit?" Kiku demanded coldly, but I ignored him.

"Italy, I can't believe you cheated on me with Arthur!"

This caused a few gasps in the room. Clearly ashamed, Arthur hung his head.

I don't know why Alfred was so mad at me. I had gone out with Italy before - I'm bi, and so is Alfred - but he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Natalia, a stupid communist fucker. We're just good friends now. His country had gone through some terrible times and became capitalist. (Haha, like I would hang out with a communist.)

"But I'm not going out with Italy anymore!" Arthur protested.

"Yeah fucking right. Fuck off you commie." With that I stormed out, not looking back.

I was in the grip of both rage and misery; I couldn't believe Arthur would cheat on me. When I got to the bridge where he first kissed me I leaned against the railings, looking over the water as my body convulsed with sobs.

The sudden voice beind me dug like a cold, sharp knife.

"Ah, you are very sad, da? I think I have a way to fix that."

_Oh god please no..._ there were beads of sweat running down my forehead as I turned around only to have my fears confirmed. The man with violet-coloured eyes and the oversized nose had the usual sadistic grin on his face. He had a big nose and was wearing a pink scarf over his coat (basically like Russia in the anime), but it was obvious he wasn't democratic. It was... Russia!

"No!" I shouted suddenly but Ivan used one of his commie curses on me to prevent me from running away - my feet literally felt glued to the ground. Luckily I could still move my arms and quickly reached into the inner pocket of my jacket as a thought struck me. _Crookshanks!_ I pulled out my gun (named this, last summer by Arthur) with trembling hands.

I started shooting before he had a chance to move and he fell to the ground, crying out in agony. Eventhough he's a sadist I felt bad for him so I stopped. He got to his feet again, brushing dust off his coat like nothing happened. By then it was stained with blood, but he didn't seem to take any notice.

"Amerika," he said calmly, but I could see the dark aura around him. It made me shudder. "I have a task for you."

"Oh yeah?" my grip tightened on my gun. "This better be good you commie bastard or I swear I'll kick your ass again."

He gave me that creepy child-like smile. Obviously deciding there would be no beating around the bush: "You must kill Italy Vargas. You can handle this, yes?"

My jaw hung open. Of course I could handle it, but _kill_...? No way man. That wasn't my style man.

Italy's handsome face and charming smile then flashed through my mind. It was that moment when a thought occured to me. _What if Arthur had gone out with Italy before, but they broke up?_

"Fuck you commie," I said, raising my gun again. I pulled the trigger._ Click. _Nothing. Damn it all, I was out of bullets. Ivan chuckled before taking something out his jacket.

"Here, I have present for you."

My eyes widened as they caught the sunlight gleaming off the waterpipe.

"No Ivan!" I shouted, but he placed it into my hand, forcing my fingers to close around it. Part of me wanted to bash his face in there and then, but there was a larger part of me that said it would be a _very_ bad idea - and would most likely end with my death. I restrained myself.

"Now you shall kill him, da? And I have no doubts that you will. Unless, of course, you wish your beloved Arthur to meet the same fate."

I stared at him incredulously. "How did you know?"

Ivan got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on his face. "I have telekenesis." he replied, the sadistic smile creeping back in. "Now, think on my words comrade. I will return shortly to see if _I _need to kill anyone."

With a chuckle that sounded distirbingly innocent, he left. I could only gape at his retreating form, knowing for a fact I was in deep shit.

"Alfred...?" when I heard this new voice behind me I almost jumped out of my skin. As a result the waterpipe fell out of my hand, clattering onto the concrete ground. I spun around to face Arthur. He had managed to redress himself, but the sorrow in his eyes was unmistakable. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him look so miserable.

On the bright side the waterpipe had clearly escaped his attention.

"Hi Arthur," I gave a smile to show I was no longer mad.

"Hi," he replied, his tone cautious.

"Look," I took a deep breath, hands stuffed inside my pockets. "I'm sorry I got mad, okay? I just thought you cheated on me."

His smile still looked sad, but he replied that he had forgien me. We kissed, then made our way back to the world meeting together. I had a lot to think about.

****

***GASP* No old English?**

**What is Hungary's human name btw?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Katia's note: There are two Arthurs because I could.**

**Well... I actually thought the part of "Dumblydore" fit Arthur pretty well, but I also wanted this to be USUK and it's crack, so...**

**Still confused? LOOK UP WORST/BEST FANFICTION EVER! (If you google either and hit "I'm feeling lucky" the same resut will come up. :'D )**

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical. Or this "plot".**

**Alfred's note: Stup it u commies if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! Ps it turnz out francis isn't a frog avert al n he n Italy r kapitalizt dats y dey r alfreds friends ok! C if dis chaptr is srupid it delz wit rly srs issuz sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid. brw thankz 2 Matt 4 hlepin me!**

**-USA-**

After my encounter with Ivan the feeling of dread hung over me like a dark cloud. It was even there when I went to rehearsals with my punk rock/ country western band, DemocraticHamburger911. I'm both lead singer and guitarist of it. People say we sound like a cross between all the great American artists out there. Besides myself, my band consists of France, Italy, Arthur, Germany/Ludwig (although we call him Big G now) and Elizabeta. Only today Arthur and Italy were too depressed to turn up. I knew Arthur was probably drinking excessively. (He wouldn't die because he's a country too and the only way you can kill a country is with an alien invasion or a nuclear W-A-R (there's no way I'm writing that)) and Italy was probably watching a capitalist movie like High School Musical. It was impossible to practice without the rhythm guitarist and drummer so we wrote songs instead.

We were singing a cover of a country western song and at the end of it I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They burst out and I sobbed into my hands, aware of all the wide eyes upon me. Francis put down his bass guitar, then ran to my side.

"Alfred, mon ami, are you okay?" he asked, his brows creased with worry.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. Suddenly realising Francis had no way of knowing what was wrong, I wiped my eyes and did my best to explain with my voice trembling. "Well, I saw Ivan and that fucking commie told me to kill Feliciano, but I don't want to kill him; he's really nice, even if he did go out with Arthur. Only if I _don't_ kill him then that commie will kill Arthur!"

I wiped my eyes again, clearing my vision from tears... and suddenly jumped. I'm not sure how long Arthur had been standing in the doorway for, but I knew I didn't like the dark scowl on his face.

"And why didn't you tell me this?" he growled. "You... you bloody stupid American!" (See? Is that out of character?)

Of course, despite me being so manly, this caused a fresh stream of tears to break loose, but I was surprised to see that Arthur's eyes were wet with tears too. Since when did such a dignified gentleman cry?

Without saying anything else, he turned on his heel and left.

I redried my tears and the last words Arthur said to me hung in the air. Elizabeta cleared her throat.

"What's Ivan trying to gain from this?" she asked, her voice low.

I sniffed, turning around to face her and aware of how horribly red my eyes must have been. "Isn't it obvious? He's toying with our emotions. It's how he gets his kicks."

The door suddenly opening cut through the silence, making us jump. It was Arthur who strode inside, a fiery anger blazing in his eyes. (I wondered if he had a headache again.)

"See? What have you bloody wankers done?" At the end of this sentence his voice cracked, breaking with sorrow. I was about to ask 'What HAVE we done?', but he continued first. "Alfred, Arthur has been found in his bedroom. He committed suicide by drinking himself to death."

I felt numb for a few moments, but when the shock hit me, boy did it hit me hard.

"NO!" I shouted, my eyes widening in horror. Arthur had to be kidding, right? He HAD to! But the grave expression on his face told me he was anything but.

"Alfred..." Francis placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged him off, then ran out the room with tears pouring down my cheeks. My heart had never ached so badly.

Since rehearsals were in my house like normal, I ran up to my white-tiled bathroom. The door gave an echoeing slam, followed by the clicking of the lock before I sank down to the floor. _This isn't happening..._

I stared at the bath across the room and it seemed to be beckoning me, inviting me in; I needed to take a soak to clear my head.

I turned both taps on full blast.

"Alfred!" there was a rapping on the bathroom door. "ALFRED OPEN THIS BLOODY DOOR OR SO HELP ME I'LL-"

I closed my eyes. Go away Arthur. _Can't I grieve in peace?_ Besides, if I let him in while naked he'd look like a complete pervert.

To help drown him out I put on a country western song on full volume, then jumped angrily into the bath eventhough the taps were still running. The water got quite deep and they squeaked when I finally turned them off. By then there was silence from the other side of the door.

I sighed, sinking down into the water. My head was spinning. Everything had just happened so fast: falling in love with Arthur, Ivan telling me to kill Italy and finally Arthur drinking himself to death. It was all too much and I felt dizzy with the thought that it was actually happening.

I frowned. The music was pretty loud, so maybe I was imagining the muffled voices. Deciding to be sure anyway, I turned the volume down. Then suddenly screamed - that is, let out a manly roar of terror - as my eyes met two other pairs.

Sitting on a branch of the tree outside my window were Japan and Spain. What horrified me most, however, was the fact that Kiku had a video camera held up to his eye. _What the -?_ Those perverts! Spain was even masticating on popcorn while he watched me like he was at the fucking movie theatre or something. He gave me a smile, one completely smug. They weren't even ashamed to be caught!

My face heating up furiously, I jumped out of the bath before quickly struggling into my clothes, then wrapping my American flag towel over them. Out the window the peeking toms showed no sign that they were going to leave.

"You commies!" I shouted out to them. "Stop looking at me naked! Are you perverts or what?"

They only grinned.

A sudden almighty crash sent my heart thudding in my chest. I whirled around to see that Feliciano had obviously broken the door down. Well fuck me. I didn't know he had it in them.

"Ve. What's going on? I heard a lot of commotion."

His eyes widened as he saw the two countries peeking through the window and I pulled my gun out of my jacket pocket, aiming it at them both. At last they looked scared and I shot once as a warning, successfully shattering the lense of Kiku's camera. (I've had a lot of of practice in Texas.)

"Alfred!" came Arthur's voice from out in the hall. "It has been revealed that someone has - " he stopped as he got to the doorway, his shocked expression matching Feliciano's when noticing the two in the tree. (Kiku was inspecting his camera, looking thoroughly pissed off.) "NO!" Arthur shouted, drawing out his wand. He waved it in the air, muttering something under his breath, but his spell was cut off when Hungary sheepishly poked her head around the doorway.

"Um... hi everyone. Bad time? We need to talk."

I shot her a glare. "What do you know Elizabeta. You're just a little country no one has heard of."

She looked annoyed. "True Alfred, I may be a country no one has heard of, but I'm also a capitalist."

"This cannot be," came Span's voice from out the window, "there must be other factors."

Furiously, I turned around to face him. "You don't have any!"

Japan smirked, holding up the camera. "The lense may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I drew out my gun again, determined to shoot the camera until there was nothing left of it, but a sudden dizziness swept over me. It was the faintness I always felt when I didn't eat enough hamburgers.

"Why are you doing this?" Kiku demanded, his gaze on Elizabeta as he wiped his hands on his cloak.

And then I heard the words I had heard before, but not from her. I didn't know whether to feel shocked, happy or to run and get a Big Mac because I felt faint.

"Because... because..." Hungary was obviously struggling to get her words out.

"Because you're demokratik?" Span asked, his tone afraid. He was probably afraid she was connected with Barak Obama.

"Because I LOVE HIM!"


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing. Not even the lyrics that feature in this chapter.**

**Alfred's note: Stop f,aing ok elizabeta is straight 2 a lot of ppl in Hungary r lik dat i wanted 2 adres da ishu! How do u know span iant communist plus elizbeta isn't really in luv wif me dat was Gilbert ok!**

**-USA-**

I was about to eat the scones Arthur had made me. He had told me to feed them valiantly to an enemy to kill them, but I knew we had to go together.

"NO!" I thought it was Elizabeta, but it was Italy. He had a pained expression on his face and both arms were wrapped around his torso.

"Ve. My head hurts," he whined. "I just had a vision."

"No!" I shouted, running up closer. "I thought you weren't psychic!"

"I wasn't, but then Luddy transfered his powers to me. Save me!" he shook his head, hair going over his eyes. "Anyway I had a vision of what happened to Arthur..." when he looked up at me his eyes were wide and fearful, "Ivan has him bondage!"

I was in Los Angeles hospital, recovering from my shock. Span, Kiku and Hungary were there too. They were going to Moscow prison after they recovered because they're communists and you can't have those fucking commies in a country with lots of hot capitalists. Arthur had confiscated the video they took of me naked. Their beds were across the room from mine and I felt no shame for flipping them off.

The men refused to acknowledge me; their gazes remained on the ground and their expressions remained dark and stony. Hungary, on the other hand, looked at me before getting to her feet. My eyes widened when I saw the bouquet of red roses she was carrying.

"Arfled, I need to tell you something," she said gravely, handing me the roses.

"Fuck off!" I snapped, throwing them aside. "You know I fucking hate the colour red anyway and I don't like fucked up communists like you!"

(Hungary had been mean to me before for being capitalist.)

"No Arfled," she said, retrieving them. "These aren''t roses."

"What? Are they capitalists to you, poser commie?" I asked, angry that she had brought me red roses.

"I saved your life!" she shouted.

"No you didn't!" I retorted sharply. "You saved me from being an internet porn sensation and being viewed by Span and Kikoo -"

"Who masticated to it," she added quietly.

"Whatever!" I yelled.

Hungary sighed, shaking her head as she glanced down at the bouquet in her hand. "These aren't roses," she muttered. She suddenly looked at them with a heroic look in her eyes and muttered "It's a party in the USA!"

"That's not a spell. That's a Miley Cyrus song," I pointed out.

"I know. I was just warming up my vocal cords." And then she screamed the words: "Petulus merengo estados unidos capitalistos (for all you cool capitalist Miley Cyrus fans out there! This is a tribute! Especially for Mattie. Love ya bro!) I-o can't-o be tamed-o!"

And then, right before my eyes, the roses turned into a big double cheeseburger. And they came with fries. Now I knew she wasn't a communist.

"Okay, I believe you. Now where the hell is Arthur?"

Elizabeta rolled her eyes. I looked closer at the cheeseburger, but I couldn't see any mustard.

"You see Alfred," said Arthur from his chair in the corner of the room, "to see what is in the cheeseburger you.S.A (HAHA USA GET IT?) must find yourself first, okay?"

Angry, Elizabeta got to her feet. "I have found myself you mean old man!" After giving a distasteful snort, she made her way back to her bed. "You are a liar England!"

Arthur only looked shocked at her lack of manners. If he had one of his headaches he probably would have started shouting his weird British slang at her.

There was another world meeting that afternoon and luckily I had recovered by then. Trying to fight back my worry about Arthur, I quickly got dressed out of my hospital gown and put on a cowboy outfit with the American flag on my hat and liberty written over my shoes in red, blue and white.

When I got to the conference building France was already waiting outside. He gave me a seductive wink.

"You look tres cute, mon ami," he said.

"Thanks," I smiled, but my smile felt very forced. I excused myself before going to the bathroom. When I got there the first thing I did was pull down the shades over the window. I suppose I'll have to do that every time I go to the bathroom now. Stupid Span and Kikoo have made me paranoid.

I gazed at myself in the mirror. Despite my good looks, I looked _dreadful_. There were dark circles under my eyes and my hands were trembling as they gripped the edge of the sink. Of course being out here wouldn't bring England back, but I wasn't in the mood for France, well... being France.

I stayed in the bathroom for longer than I intended to, so when I entered the conference room the meeting was already in place. China, who was taking it this time, gave me a dark scowl, but I paid no heed as I took my seat next to Italy. He was flipping off Latvia, one of the Solviet countries.

"Hey," I said to Italy.

He looked at me and I could tell by his eyes he had been crying._ Wait_. He used to be in love with England, didn't he? No wonder.

"Ve. Hello."

We stared at each other for some time. Italy had beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Thay weren't quite like Arthur's, but still...

I couldn't contain myself any longer.

Forgetting the room was full of nations, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Understandingly, he gave a squeak of surprise. After a couple of stunned moments, however, he was eagerly kissing back.

"Stop it now you horny simpletons aru!" Yao shouted.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Italy to see all the shocked and amused expressions that were fixed upon us both. France - surprise, surprise - looked the most amused of all.

Hurt and angry, I turned back to Italy.

"Italy, you fucker!" I yelled slapping him. He gave another squeak, this one more frightened than surprised as he placed a hand over his reddening cheek. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I love Arthur!"

I got to my feet and was ready to walk out when he suddenly started to scream.

"Ve. My head hurts! I just had a vision."

"No!" I ran up closer. "I thought you weren't psychic!"

"I wasn't, but then Luddy transfered his powers to me!" he shook his head, hair going over his eyes. "Anyway I had a vision of what happened to Arthur..." when he looked up at me his eyes were wide and fearful, "Ivan has him bondage!"

****

**SPECIAL THX 2 MATT MY KAPITALIZT DEMOKRATIK BROTHA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111**

HEY MATT DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I 


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: matt fankz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of lady gaga but dat gurl is such a fokin sexbom! COMMIEZ STOP FLAMIGNG!**

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**WARNING: SOME OF THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMELY SCARY. VIEWER EXCRETION ADVISED.**

Ignoring Yao's protests, Italy and I ran out of the conference room and down the hall, hoping to find Arthur. My heart was hammering in my chest.

"Arthur! Arthur!" we called his name as we looked in various different empty rooms. Finally, as I was looking through the doorway of a rather dark and forbidding one, I heard the stiff British voice behind me.

"What is it that you want now, you bloody snobs?"

"Ivan has Arthur!" Italy wailed as I turned around to face them both.

Arthur smirked, but then he shocked me by giving a rather evil-sounding laugh.

"No you commie!" I yelled. "We have to save Arthur!"

"No." his laughter stopped abruptly. "I don't give a darn what Ivan does to Arthur. Not after how much he misbehaved in world meetings, especially with _you_ Alfred." he wagged a finger at me. "Besides, I never liked him that much anyway."

With that he left. I noticed Italy's eyes were wide and shining.

"My Arthur!" he whimpered. (Don't you think sensitive guys are so hot?)

I tried to reassure him that all would be okay, but he was too busy sobbing into his hands to pay attention. It was very suddenly, however, that he jerked his head up, wiping tears away from his face.

"I... I have an idea." he sniffed.

"What?" I asked.

Now he was smiling. "You'll see."

Saying this, he reached into his shoulder bag and pulled out what looked like - my eyes widened - Arthur's wand.

"No way dude! Did you steal...?"

He gave a shy smile. "Ve. I didn't want him to cause any more trouble with it."

I laughed as Italy waved the wand, but my laughter ceased as our surroundings faded around us. Soon the hallway was replaced by the dark, gloomy interior of Russia's mansion.

"Wow," I said, my mouth hanging open.

I never liked this always gave me the creeps. Especially then since as a muffled sobbing could be heard from a room at the end of the corridor that lay bathed in shadows. Italy looked at me nervously, obviously regretting his great idea.

A voice that suddenly emitted from that room caused my flesh to crawl.

"Die capitalist pig!"

_Ivan._ Italy gave a small whimper, but I urged him to follow me, telling him Arthur's life was at stake. He nodded and reluctantly agreed. We ran onwards.

Only when we got to the large, empty room Ivan was nowhere in sight. Instead the crazy girl who stalks him was. She had Arthur tied up and was busy dragging a knife up his arm, drawing blood. He was biting his bottom lip, obviously trying hard not to cry out in pain. I couldn't stand by any longer.

Ignoring Italy's protests, I ran forward, colliding with Belaswan and tackling her to the ground. She gave a shriek as her knife clattered to the stone floor and Arthur looked at me gratefully.

"Rid my sight you despicable communist!" Belaswan snarled, pushing me off.

Thinking fast, I groped around for the knife she dropped and relief washed over me as my fingers closed around the handle. I got to my feet, but was surprised when Belaswan made no effort to take it off me. Instead she remained on her knees with an odd look in her eyes and - _Oh no._ That chilling sensation crept over my flesh again. _It was the look she often gave Ivan._

"Alfred, I love you," she said as if in a trance, "you will marry me."

My eyes practically burst out of their sockets.

"W-what...?" I stammered, stepping backwards.

"Alfred," she slowly rose to her feet, her cold stare still fixed upon me. "I love you. You will marry me."

I choked out a laugh as my grip tightened around the handle of the knife. "What- what the fuck? You torture my boyfriend then expect me to marry you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bitch!"

Then, without thinking on my actions, I suddenly plunged the knife deep into her chest. Her shriek was horrible, almost deafening, and blood spurted out at once, splashing onto my face. I heard Italy whimper from the doorway and I suddenly felt very sick.

Belaswan coughed up a dark red substance before falling backwards onto the ground, her eyes wide and glassy. By then my hands were trembling like mad._ Had I just...? _Oh God. _I had._

"Belaswan, what are you doing?" came a voice from out in the hall. A Russian accent. _Oh shit shit shit... _Definately Ivan. I could hear his high heels clicking down the stone floor.

I had to act fast.

I ran to Arthur whose face was as white as a ghost's, then cut through the ropes that bound his wrists together. For a moment, he held them out before his face. There were red gashes on them, but he was free.

"Italy, come on dude!" I hissed.

He ran towards us, hands trembling as he held out the wand.

Arthur's eyes widened. "Is that my...?"

But his voice was cut off as Italy waved it. Our surroundings faded again and I had never been so grateful to be in Arthur's boring library. Italy mumbled his excuses, then hurried out. He obviously wanted to keep the wand. I made my way to the downstairs washroom and almost had a heart attack at the sight of myself in the mirror. Blood was splattered all over my face and I wondered if I was going to hurl.

Fighting back the urge, I started to wash it off. When I was practically done I leaned against the basin and wasn't surprised when the tears started to shudder down my face.

"What's wrong honey?" said a voice behind me.

I looked up at the mirror to see the reflection of Arthur leaning against the frame of the doorway.

"It's so unfair!" I burst out, turning around to face him. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all the other countries and communists except for Francis Bonnefoy because he's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly?" Arthur raised his oversized eyebrows. "I don't like the communists anyway. They are such fucking communists."

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Span and Kikoo took a video of me naked, Hungary says she's in love with me, Italy likes me and now even Belaswan is in love with me! I just wanna be with you okay Arthur! Why couldn't God have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an: don't worry, I'm not a snob or anything, but a lot of people have told me I'm hot.) "I'm good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. 


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut kommiez! matt u suk u fuken commie gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Matt wtf u commie ur suposd to dodis! BTW thxz 2 Francis 4 techin muh french!**

****

"Alfred! Alfred!" Arthur shouted after me as I stormed down the street to find the nearest McDonalds. "No, please come back!"

"Whatever!" I snapped, not looking back at him. "Now you can go and have sex with Italy!"

I stormed into McDonalds and pushed my way through the queue to be first at the counter. (I really couldn't be bothered to wait.) There were some protests, but I still had a bit of blood on my face so maybe that stopped them from shoving me out the way.

"Big mac with fries and a large milkshake please."

The pimply teen behind the counter looked quite frightened, but he nodded and said my order would be ready soon if I could just take a seat. I did so and read one of my Superman comic books while waiting. Superman was so hot and sexy in a way that reminded me of Arthur and Italy. I found myself fighting back tears.

After what felt like a lifetime my food arrived. I drank the milkshake all depressed, then held the burger to my mouth, about to take a bite out of it. Boy, am I glad I didn't. The next thing I knew it had transformed into Arthur.

"WOAH!" I shouted, almost falling out of my seat. He gave me a sad smile as he sat on the table.

"Alfred, I love you!" he said, oblivious to all the heads that turned. "I don't care what those fucker communists and Solviets think. You're the most beautiful country in the world. Before I met you I used to want to just drink all the time. Now I just want to fucking be with you. I fucking love you!"

The breath caught in my throat again as he got down on one knee and started singing 'Keep Feeling Fascination" (we considered it our song now because we fell in love when the band were playing it) right in front of everyone at McDonalds. Normally I would have been embarrassed or squirting milkshake out my nose, but he really does have a damn good voice. He actually sounds like a cross between Zack Efron, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers! (Don't you think those guys are so hot? If you don't know who they are then get the fuck out of here!)

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." I said when he finished, my jaw hanging open. Some fucking communists stared at us, but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in grease from my Big Mac and entwined with Arthur's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like the TATU girls (I fucking hate those girls **(1)** ) in one of their videos.

We then left with our fingers still linked through each other's. All the cool capitalists clapped and jeered for how sexy we looked together.

Outside McDonalds I was surprised to see a poster announcing that the Jonas Brothers would be having a concert in London the very next day. Arthur and I exchanged shocked glances and already knew by the other's expression that we were going to go together.

We arrived in Wembley stadium. The Jonas Brothers were playing on the stage that The Human League had performed on. There was a buzz of excitement in the air and I was happy to be caught up in it all. I was sure Nick Jonas looked even sexier than he did in his posters. Arthur probably thought so too, but that didn't matter because I knew we were the only true ones for eachother! I was wearing my bomber jacket with jeans that had pictures of American flags over them. Arthur was wearing what he wore back in his punk days. I guestured for him to follow me and we ran closer to the stage, so we could stage dive. Hell yeah!

Only something made us stop. Nick suddenly stopped singing and put down his microphone. The other members put down their guitars. By then a curious murmur had already began to stir throughout the crowd.

"What the hell's going on?" a bratty looking pre-teen shouted.

Nick smiled._ No way! _I rubbed my eyes, thinking I was hallucinating, but it was still there: the creepy, child-like smile that looked _exactly like Russia's_. He giggled.

For a moment I thought he was actually pulling off his head, but no, it was a mask. The other members did the same. The murmuring in the crowd had escalated quite a lot and there were a few confused and angry shouts. Soon enough the band's true faces were revealed. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Maybe the weird British food was messing with my brain, but judging by the reactions in the crowd, there was no denying that it really was Ivan and two other countries from the Solviet Union who stood on the stage.

"What the fuck Arthur!" I shouted angrily. "I'm not going to a concert with you. Even if it is the Jonas Brothers and you know how much I like them!"

"What? Because we, you know..." he blushed, unable to finish the sentence because British people don't like to talk about you-know-what.

"Yeah, cause we you-know!" I snapped, folding my arms.

"Well, that won't happen again," Arthur promised. "This time we're gong with an ESCORT."

I stared at him in horror. "Oh my God! What the fuck? Are you giving into communism? So I guess you're a Solviet or a Russian or what now?"

"No," he muttered.

"Are you becomming a communist or what?"

"Alfred! I'm not! Please come with me!" With this he fell down to his knees and started singing one of the Jonas Brother's songs in his beautiful voice. I was flattered because that song wasn't even a single and he had memorised the lyrics just for me!

"Okay then, I guess I will have to." I said. We made out for a while, then I returned to his house while he went to do the grocery shopping. Francis was standing outside Arthur's door. What was he doing there, I wondered. Pfft. Probably planning to try and get into Arthur's pants. What else was new?

"Bonjour," he said. (He speaks French. So do I. That means "hello" in French.) "Did you hear the news, mon ami? Mattieu got kicked out of the last world meeting. He's got his country into debt and he keeps skipping them."

"It serves that fucking commmunist right!" I laughed.

Francis had a key so we managed to get inside the house. We sat down in Arthur's cinema room while we watched a horror film where teens stranded on a camp were being slaughtered by a guy in a hockey mask.

"Maybe Matthew will be brutally murdered too," I said.

"That would be _tres bien," _Francis said. "Oh, that reminds me, I have a confession. After he got kicked out I murdered him, then Kiku ate his corpse because he's a cannibal."

"Cool bro." I said. We sat in content silence for the rest of the movie.

"Oh, by the way," I said when the creepy music of the credits had started to play, "I'm going to a concert with Arthur tonight. I need to find the coolest outfit ever!"

"Then we shall go shopping, non?"

"In American Eagle, right?" I said, already getting out my loyalty card. _This was gonna be sweet!_

"Non."

My head snapped up.

"WHAT?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Francis Bonnefoy, are you a _communist_?"

"Non! Non!" he laughed. "I found some cool American shops in London. That's all."

"Who told you about them?" I asked curiously, sure it would be Arthur, Ludwig, Feliciano (don't even say that name to me!) or me.

"Arthur," he said. "Let me just find my car keys."

"OH MY GOD! ARTHUR?" I shouted.

"Oui. I saw the map for London on his desk."

We were going to look at the American stores made especially for the concerts in London. There was one that had a totally gorgeous sales person with violet eyes and silvery blonde hair. If possible, I would have thought he was hotter than Arthur. But that's not possible, so he wasn't.

"We only have this stuff for the real capitalists," he said, guesturing to the clothes around him.

Francis and I exchanged glances. "The real capitalists?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many poser communists thre are in town, man! Yesterday Kikoo and Span tried to buy a capitalizt camera pouch." He shook his head. "In all the times I have raided their drawers I have never found a camera."

"Oh fuck no! They're gonna spy on me again!" I groaned as I held an outfit against my body. It was a Superman one with an American flag cape. "What?" I said, suddenly noticing the other two were staring at me.

"Oh my McDonalds, you have to buy that outfit." the sales person stated (geddit kos im amerikan.)

"Oui, it looks tres sexy," France winked at me.

"You know what," the sales person said, "I'm going to give you that outfit for free because it will look really hot on you. - Hey, are you going to be at the concert tonight?"

"Yeah, I am actually," I looked back at him. "Hey, by the way, my name's Alfred F. ALFRED Jones. What's yours?"

"Ivan Bragin," he ran a hand through his silvery hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

I glared at him. "Yeah, I don't think so 'cause I'm going there with my boyfriend Arthur you sick perv!"

To this Ivan Bragin suddenly gave a weird laugh that sounded like 'kolkolkol'. He picked up a waterpipe from behind the counter, but before he could beg me to go with him Hungary ran into the shop, looking worried.

She grabbed my arm. "Oh my God Alfred! You need to get back to your house _right now!"_

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**(1) Katia: Please note, I have nothing against Russians. I know Russian doesn't equal communist. This isn't meant to be taken seriously. Please no one be offended.**

**I don't own the pop divas mentioned in this chapter. Thank GOD.**

**And a big kudos to Ivan. He practiced hard to get the Jonas Brothers' songs right.**


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